Shame and the Cycle of Sexual Abuse

Anything that is kept hidden in the dark will eventually be brought into the light. This happens because when something is suppressed it grows and festers, inevitably reaching a point where it can no longer be contained and kept a secret. One important example of this principle in action is in the realm of sexuality, and more specifically in the occurrence of sexual abuse.

In the recent past, several well-known individuals and institutions have been exposed for both engaging in and hiding the sexual abuse of children. In every instance, what was hidden in the darkness was brought into the light. Understandably, this is often a topic that people would rather not talk or think about. It is also common for people to consider both the light and dark aspects of sexuality as separate from spirituality.

The truth is that the misuse of sexual energy on the physical plane is merely a manifestation of the darkness that is stored within the collective consciousness around sexuality. Separating spirituality from sexuality only contributes to the false belief that sexuality is not sacred and should be kept hidden. By talking openly about this topic and looking at the deeper truth about one of the main reasons why sexual energy is misused, we can use our expanded awareness to shine light into the darkness and create much needed healing for all of us.

An important question to ask is: What needs to happen in our world so that sexual energy is not used to harm others? The media and various organizations point to stricter laws and a relentless fight to find and punish people who misuse sexual energy, especially those who sexually abuse children. On one hand, this outlook is positive because it speaks to an increased awareness and interest in sexual abuse.

However, if our focus is simply on catching the people who are misusing sexual energy, we will not create lasting change. To direct all of our attention outward and to focus point solely on these individuals, our vision becomes too narrow and we lose sight of the bigger picture about why so many people (one in three women and one in six men) are sexually abused.

So what is the bigger picture? Well, that is complex, but it involves all of the sex negative messages people receive from the time they are born. Teaching people that sex is a sin/bad, pleasure is a sin/bad, identifying as LBGTQ is a sin/bad, contraception is a sin/bad, sex outside of marriage is a sin/bad, etc., creates a tremendous amount of guilt and shame within the human psyche and body. This shame and guilt about sexuality powerfully contributes to the cycle of sexual abuse because when people feel ashamed of something they tend to suppress it and keep it hidden.

Since anything that is suppressed and hidden will grow and fester, this suppressed and shamed sexual energy grows in such magnitude within the body and mind that there is no where else for it to go but up and out, inevitably manifesting in a variety of destructive ways. Even people who do not directly receive these shame-based messages from their parents, their church, spiritual texts, or some other source, they are still affected by them because these beliefs about sexuality are deeply embedded within the collective consciousness.

Human beings are born with an impulse to express sexual energy. This is a part of who we are. To teach people that their sexuality is bad and to try to control this energy with guilt and shame is fueling the cycle of sexual abuse in our world. We must start looking at this truth instead of just living in the illusion that if we catch the "bad guys" out there then we can heal this problem.

The reason some people use sexual energy in such destructive ways is in large part because of the destructive ways our world views and suppresses sexuality. If people were taught that their sexuality is not something to be ashamed of, that it is as valuable as any other part of them, that it is powerful, sacred and deserves much respect, that it is not something to hide or feel bad about in anyway, that it is completely ok to express your unique sexual identity and orientation in whatever ways feel authentic for you...all expressions are beautiful, then I believe the incidence of sexual abuse would decrease drastically and maybe even disappear altogether.

One way for healing to occur in this area is to shine our light, love, and awareness on the deeper truth, which is that sexual abuse is merely a symptom of the distorted, shame-based beliefs that are held within the collective consciousness about sexuality. Through an illumination of the deeper truth, we swing open a door for open and honest dialogue to occur about what is really fueling this problem, and in doing so we create possibilities for healing.